剖心

一放假時間就變多,但也才悠閒幾日卻重感冒,在床上、屋內窩了近兩個禮拜才打起精神脫離陰影。

好在離開新竹前看了幾部電影,其中的「Into the Wild」真的是傑作中的傑作、撼動心靈最深處。好吧,這效果或許因人而異。而碰巧上學期也讀了一系列 Transcendentalism 的作品,不多但洽能讀幾分精髓。或許同學讀來味如嚼蠟,但 Emerson 和 Thoreau 的思想卻句句打進我心崁。「Into the Wild」中文譯作「阿拉斯加之死」,真人真事改編;而故事主角正是一心追求 Thoreau 等人強調的「內心價值」,並厭惡世俗帶來的物質以及他生活上所面臨的困擾和壓抑。

乍聽之下這頗似無病呻吟。二十出頭的年輕人為了尋求自我價值和內心出口而出走,這不就是現今的社會現象嗎?我想說出「無病呻吟」這種話的人,大概早已過了這種內心徬徨的年紀,才能故作從容地如此認為。當年的你我不也被某些事情困擾著?

而「Into the Wild」這部由西恩潘監製、導演電影,完美地融合大自然的壯闊、主角的衝勁與困惑、對生活上的物質與表面不屑,用非常深刻、字字珠璣對白與旁白衝擊我的心靈。主角對大自然的熱愛與讚嘆、他對這世界的迷惘和不解無時無刻與我共鳴。我的心靈彷彿被洗滌過,雖然困惑仍在,但卻感覺如此清澄、開闊。我的淚一直流,因為我找到共鳴;我的心也隨著淚在落下斑斑血,因為我知道我不能再逃避自己。



我的眼淚在看見麋鹿群奔馳之時潰堤。那麼一瞬間,我覺得我往後人生的目標不再重要,因為我看見這世上最美麗的感動。這部片帶領我的心進入狂想,into the wild...... 好幾天過後我仍在想著讀過的 Emerson 和 Thoreau 還有這部片,想著我的未來,想著我的人生......

接著回家後又看了幾部小說,再看了改編自其的影集。看呀看呀覺得有點悲傷,像是煙花爆裂後的灰濛天空、浪花撲打過的水漬沙灘、盛開過後凋零的玫瑰。

當故事中的虛幻都結束後,我要我現實中生活的什麼?Fiction is fiction. Reality is reality. Reading brings you to another world, but you can't avoid your own world all your life.

所以我一蹶不振、精神萎靡,但心靈仍像鳥兒撲撲振翅想要逃脫這牢籠。於是我自以為能仿效古今中外之文豪寄情山水;我攝影;我希望能從影像中找到自由和出口,因為大自然的無限浩瀚已被我框架於有限空間之中;我一事無成;我頹廢懶散。

即使在如此萎靡的狀況下,我的腦海仍持續思考這困擾我很久的問題:我為何會如此?Am I alone? 即使在浩瀚星空中星與星之間無限遙遠,但在肉眼下我們卻視作繁星點點、星星相鄰。No one is left alone in this universe, but will I be the only one?

於是我又像被掐住咽喉的鳥兒,在籠內撲翅高歌,卻殊不知我音嗚咽難解、低劣至極。純粹的無病呻吟。

I am happy when I'm free. I don't want to be part of this materialistic world. I look to the sky and shed a tear when I see the birds fly with free spirits. I come alive when I smell the salt from the sea and feel the Atlantic wind on my face. My supressed spirit jumps up and becomes alive. For that moment I am so happy I could cry. I am with nature, I am part of nature, I am where my soul belongs. I ask myself why don't I become free all the time.Stop strangling me world, for I will never conform to thee.

Florence + The Machine - Dog Days Are Over



Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
Because here they come

And I never wanted anything from you
Except everything you had and what was left after that too, oh

Happiness hit her like a bullet in the head
Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
Because here they come

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your loving, your loving behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
Because here they come
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

Florence + The Machine - Dog Days Are Over (Live on Letterman)



Creeds of K [4]

We all are seeking similarity in unfamiliarity.

Creeds of K [3]

Opening a novel is falling into another world. Listening to the tune that can bring you to the cosmo. They both are escapes.

Resident Evil Afterlife - Soundtrack - The Outsider (Renholder Apocalyps...

Room of Solitude

Not until I am here all alone in the cold darkness of early morning do I realize that I am all left in the solitude.


I think of you and then I think of it. Is it really necessary to heed it?

That moment of staring. That moment of pretentious spacing-out. That moment of clarity to a day-dreamer whose wildest dream is to get closer to you. 

Ah, truth! faith! belief! 

What can I believe or trust if I cannot find the foundation of my existence?

This pain eats me up and drains all my attention. My mind is in full occupation of the image of you and me. Is that even possible? 

I can't even see the possibility. Then, why bother? 

Stop.
Please.
I just want my self back in me.

ELASTICA - 2:1 (TRAINSPOTTING soundtrack)

This world...

I often have a feeling that once when you step in a new society, you'll always be connected with those people, that information, and those events. What I mean by "society" is any form of groups of people. Say, a student activity in college, flatmates you used to live with, participants from the same program, etc. 


I didn't know how huge was this power of connection until about two years ago. 
For me, it was the first time to feel the intense and subtle interactions between each individual. How far these interactions will bring us to, we won't know. 


So people around me, in a way, are all connected with their own societies; and each society intertwines with one another. Then there's the web of human connections.


Once when you realize how immense this web can be, you'll be sorry for those who left behind or ignorant of all these. They'll be disconnected for sure from all sorts of information we share within this particular society. And they can't understand what this society is about, and they can't understand what these people are up to. 


So misunderstandings bubble up like fists of furry.
Distance emerges from the tranquil sea. 
Gaps, gaps, and gaps block these two totally different societies from mutual communication and understanding.


Isn't it just all about that? 
The furry from all walks of people in this big world? 


It's like... it's like it's either be left behind or left disconnected. 


So that makes information important. 
So that makes communication important. 
So that makes understanding important. 


But what if people are still not willing to talk? What if they have no enough certitude to decide? What if they have no enough confidence to believe in themselves that they can cross the gap?


What if it's all about something very subtle yet essential inside? The inner? The most intriguing and absurd human mind? The status of mind? The psychological trick and barriers?


And yet above all these, what if it's really about uncertainty?


"Uncertainty only creates uncontrollable panic without any form of resolution."


What if it's the uncertainty that exists with human mind? Since human beings are always capricious. No one will last like a diamond. So people buy diamonds for the illusion of possessing its ever-lasting.


What if our believes are sometimes fluid? Just like our capricious mind and state?


Will this alter the world that rounds us? Will this flip over our own judgement and perspectives? 


Will...will anyone in this world know what we are really thinking and believing? 


This will never ever be solved. And that causes the puzzles of my mind, threatening my own world of existing.

America by Allen Ginsberg with music by Tom Waits

Creeds of K [2]

Your eyes will be fathomless when you set your heart free to know that all differences are just the results of distances.

Quotes from "Into the Wild" (2007) II

Photography by Karina Sun


There is pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more,
From these our interviews, in which I steal
From all I may be, or have been before,
To mingle with the Universe, and feel
What I can ne'er express, yet cannot all conceal.

-- "Childe Harold" -- Lord Byron

Beth Orton Concrete Sky

BETH ORTON - Stolen car

Into the Wild Music Video by Eddie Vedder

Quotes from "Into the Wild" (2007)

"I will miss you too, but you are wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from the joy of human relationships. God's place is all around us, it is in everything and in anything we can experience. People just need to change the way they look at things."


"But when you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines through you."


"Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth."


"Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past."


"If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed."


"What if I were smiling and running into your arms? Would you see then what I see now?"

More Qutoes

Into the Wild - Eddie Vedder

Eddie Vedder - Society - Into the Wild Soundtrack

Slipping through the end of college...


And the classroom will remain a carved memory.

Creeds of K [1]

I penetrate through your physiology and reach to your psychology.
And now I am here with your spirituality.

真理亙古不變

人生而靜,天之性也;感於物而動,性之欲也。物至知知,然後好惡形焉。好惡無節於內,知誘於外,不能反躬,天理滅矣。夫物之感人無窮,而人之好惡無節,則是物至而人化物也。人化物也者,滅天理而窮人欲者也。於是有悖逆詐偽之心,有淫泆作亂之事。是故強者脅弱,眾者暴寡,知者詐愚,勇者苦怯,疾病不養,老幼孤獨不得其所,此大亂之道也。

-- 《禮記.樂記》

是否跟 Emerson 在 "Self-Reliance" 和 "The American Scholar" 中說的那種萬物運行的道理和準則相同?

萬物之道理,心性也。

Marilyn Manson - Working Class Hero

Blue October~~"What If We Could"~~Lyrics

Blue October - Dirt Room

Jonsi - "Animal Arithmetic" (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

Incubus - Quicksand - Type Movie



"Uncertainty only creates uncontrollable panic without any form of resolution. Remember that one's values must never be jeopardized for false representation."

Short Note on Walden 2

"The finest qualities of our nature, like the bloom on fruits, can be preserved only by the most delicate handling. Yet we do not treat ourselves nor one another thus tenderly."

"Public opinion is a weak tyrant compared with our own private opinion. What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate."

"...and what are the true necessaries and means of life, it appears as if men had deliberately chosen the common mode of living because the preferred it to any other. Yet they honestly think there is no choice left. But alert and healthy natures remember that the sun rose clear. It is never too late to give up our prejudices. No way of thinking or doing, however ancient, can be trusted without proof."

"What old people say you cannot do you try and find that you can. Old deed for old people, and new deeds for new."

"Age is no better, hardly so well, qualified for an instructor as youth, for it has not profited so much as it has lost."

"Here is life, an experiment to a great extent untried by me."

"By proper Shelter and Clothing we legitimately retain our own internal heat; but with an excess of these, or of Fuel, that is, with an external heat greater than our own internal, may not cookery properly be said to begin?"

"According to Liebig, man's body is a stove, and food the fuel which keeps up the internal combustion in the lungs."

"Most of the luxuries, and many of the so called comforts of life, are not only not indispensable, but positive hinderances to the elevation of mankind. With respect to luxuries and comforts, the wisest have ever lived a more simple and meager life than the poor."

"To be a philosopher is not merely to have subtle thoughts, nor even to found a school, but so to love wisdom as to live according to tis dictates, a life of simplicity, independence, magnanimity, and trust.

"Why has man rooted himself thus firmly in the earth, but that he may rise in the same proportion into the heavens above?"

"Every day our garments become more assimilated to ourselves, receiving the impress of the wearer's character, until we hesitate to lay them aside, without such delay and medical appliances and some such solemnity even as our bodies. No man ever stood the lower in my estimation for having a patch in his clothes; yet I am sure that there is greater anxiety, commonly, to have fashionable, or at least clean and unpatched clothes, than to have a sound conscience."

"All men want, not something to do with, but something to do, or rather something to be."

"Our moulting season, like that of the fowls, must be a crisis in our lives. The loon retires to solitary ponds to spend it. Thus also the snake casts its slough, and the caterpillar its wormy coat, by an internal industry and expansion; for clothes are but our outmost cuticle and mortal coil. Otherwise we shall be found sailing under false colors, and be inevitably cashiered at last by our own opinion, as well as that of mankind."

"We worship not the Graces, nor the Pacae, but Fashion.... The head monkey at Paris puts on a traveller's cap, and all the monkeys in America do the same."

"It is only the serious eye peering from and the sincere life passed within it, which restrain laughter and consecrate the costume of any people."

"In view of the future or possible, we should live quite laxly and undefined in front, our outlines dim and misty on that side; as our shadows reveal an insensible perspiration toward the sun."

"The volatile truth of our words should continually betray the inadequacy of the residual statement.... The words which express our faith and piety are not definite; yet they are significant and fragrant like frankincense to superior natures."

"Let every one mind his own business, and endeavor to be what he was made."

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."

PLACEBO 'Meds'

Parov Stelar - The Mojo Radio Gang (Doc-Terry Video Remix) HQ*****

parov stelar[coco[director's cut].mp4

Taiwan ROCKS!

"Nature is but an image or imitation of wisdom, the last thing of the soul."

"Nature is but an image or imitation of wisdom, the last thing of the soul."
-- Plotinus