有點像Natalie Portman
羯人五官立體，剪這種頭也好看
Staind - Right Here (Video) Album Version audio
I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting
I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting
I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you
Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting
But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting
a new eye
was born on your forehead. You don't know why.
It picks sundry trivia you've been ignoring, and you can't ignore it this time.
You hate the breath. You hate the smell. You hate the way they walk. You hate the way they look at you. You hate the way they say hi. You hate the way they sit. You hate the way they stand. You hate the way they talk.
You hate everything you've been ignoring, avoiding, neglecting, tolerating.
And this new eye grants you all this nonsense hatred. You don't know why. You can't know why.
The truth and reason are always horrifying, alike there's an eye suddenly born on your fucking forehead.
FUCKING HORRIFYING.
低潮
退潮過後，沙灘上滿佈貝殼、漁網，還有玻璃和垃圾。
我踏過濕溽的沙灘，讓腳底浸在沁涼。
我彎身撿起中意的貝殼，用腳撥開礙眼的垃圾。
我抬頭看向近處的浪花，想著不可能的大夢想。
時間，如浪潮襲來又捲去，恣意、狂放。
我一回神，卻發現海水已將我包圍。
我一人被困在沙洲上，獨自面對我的低潮。
Bound for nowhere
Dining as if I'm never hungry,
Bounding home as if I have no home.
Falling asleep as if I'm never asleep,
Walking around as if I'm the walking-dead.
Seeing as if I'm always blind,
Hearing as if I'm always deaf.
Breathing aloud as if I'm always drowned,
Saying agape as if I'm the whining-cat.
Thinking as if I'm misanthropic,
Commenting as if I'm a cynic.
Straying ashore as if I'm a loner,
Living astray as if I'm the living-dead.
My day...
As we're nearer to the end;
Here we are again
Seems like we're always working
At this time of year
We have come a long way, my friend
How many hours we have spent
Seems like we're always working
At this time
This is my day
And I wanted you to know
This is my day
And I'm gonna be okay
Through the steady sweep of days
Keeping focus as the currents race
Seems like we're always working
At this time
This is my day
And I wanted you to know
This is my day
And I'm gonna be okay
賤商
幹，超賤的！
雖然說好的東西就是會被抄襲，而我們家民宿從蓋好以來，裡裡外外到那全清
可是聽到有人也學我們，最近也抄襲我們跟著做十穀養生粥，就真的是超賤的啊！
超賤的超賤的超賤的超賤的超賤的超賤的超賤的超賤的超賤
當初他們在蓋的時候，都偷跑進來看我們的格局，所以連格
當初他們在蓋的時候，都偷跑進來看我們的格局，所以連格
超賤的超賤的超賤的超賤的超賤的超賤的超賤的超賤的超賤
1 of always-favs
カリソメ乙女 - 椎名林檎
I'm just like the women
Who stand next to you and stare
Sweet intoxication
But I'm leaving this affair
You lit up my daydreams
Like so many other guys
Don't you look so lonely
There's no sorrow in goodbye
What women want are some simple pleasures
To be special
We don't need you forever
But I fell for your trap
Girls will fall like that
I was floating on a breeze
What you must be feeling
It was too late yesterday
Despite your deceiving
It was me who had my way
But women always attempt to tell lies
And to disguise, conceal what we want
So when I try to deceive won't you believe,
Or say that you forgive me
Cause the fault lies with you and the things you do
Don't tell me that I'm wrong
So I'll try to make this break but I can't escape
I'm too far into you
Though I know (though I know)
Our time has come (nothing lasts)
When you say (when you say)
"I still love you" (I love you), I think...
Don't leave me alone here
I'm lonely without you near
No lies, tricks or deception,
These words speak my affection
Hey boy, those were just lies
Now I'll say my goodbye
Sweet intoxication
But I'm leaving this affair
You lit up my daydreams
Like so many other guys
Don't you look so lonely
There's no sorrow in goodbye
What women want are some simple pleasures
To be special
We don't need you forever
But I fell for your trap
Girls will fall like that
I was floating on a breeze
What you must be feeling
It was too late yesterday
Despite your deceiving
It was me who had my way
But women always attempt to tell lies
And to disguise, conceal what we want
So when I try to deceive won't you believe,
Or say that you forgive me
Cause the fault lies with you and the things you do
Don't tell me that I'm wrong
So I'll try to make this break but I can't escape
I'm too far into you
Though I know (though I know)
Our time has come (nothing lasts)
When you say (when you say)
"I still love you" (I love you), I think...
Don't leave me alone here
I'm lonely without you near
No lies, tricks or deception,
These words speak my affection
Hey boy, those were just lies
Now I'll say my goodbye
i'm fucking ruing myself
自食惡果
飲鴆止渴
引火自焚
飛蛾撲火
就是現在
我的寫照
報告明明
才打一段
卻在網路
執迷不悟
我這白痴
我恨期中
我想悠閒
度過一生
魚與熊掌
很難兼得
快記下來要不然會忘記
在米國時，被日本朋友說我長的像椎名林檎
喔 我好開心唷
也被摩納哥朋友說，像某韓國女子團體（唱機機機機北北北北北）裡的其中一位，那位曾經是短頭髮的很正的那位
其實我分不太出來，但她有指給我看
嗯，滿漂亮的，開心～
還有在 Tahoe 國家公園附近的湖和某亞裔 UCB 女生划 kayak 時，我們才第一次見面她就說我長的像頭文字D裡的鈴木杏
歪國人都好大方，我好害羞
亁，我好虛榮 = =
這血肉之軀無法剎那間成永恆，不要也罷
是不是？
where art thou?
Where art thou?
Another half of my heart.
---
How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways.
I loathe thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when thou art out of sight.
日文成績讓我想通了
大一時想要拿書券；
大二時在意沒拿到書券；
大三時覺得拿不拿書券也無所謂；
大四時覺得成績並不能代表我會的一切。
日語聽解前兩次小考離及格有幾十分，最近這一次終於（剛好）及格了，我好開心。
日語閱讀期中我有及格！而且離七十差一點！我也好開心！
於是乎我通了！
Dash Berlin feat. Emma Hewitt - Waiting (Acoustic Version)
Fading of the day
as night takes over
and I can almost feel
you here
Your memory remains
I breath it closer
I swear that I still feel you near
The cool wind is taking over
it’s taking over
So far away
you’re gone so long
ohh and I’m waiting
Till that day
I take you home
know that I’m waiting
know that I’m waiting
know that I’m waiting
Haunted by your grace
you know I’m falling
so cool without you
always in my mind
I hear you calling
So far away
you’re gone so long
ohh and I’m waiting
So far away
you’re gone so long
ohh and I’m waiting
Till that day
I take you home
know that I’m waiting
know that I’m waitïng
"Self-Reliance"
Do not search outside yourself.
---
Man is his own star, and the soul that can
Render an honest and a perfect man,
Command all light, all influence, all fate,
Nothing to him falls early or too late.
Our acts our angels are, or good or ill,
Our fatal shadows that walk by us still.
---
Cast the bantling on the rocks,
Suckle him with the she-wolf's teat:
Wintered with the hawk and fox,
Power and speed be hands and feet.
---
To be great is to be misunderstood.
---
Before a leaf-bud has burst, its whole life acts; in the full-blown flower, there is no more; in the leafless root, there is no less. Its nature is satisfied, and it satisfies nature, in all moments alike.
---
His hidden meaning lies in our endeavors,
Our valors are our best gods.
自私
當小孩好像就只能自私，接受父母無私的奉獻。回家跟爸媽談過後，好像有開了點，但是卻放不下 - 花盡父母的血汗錢只為了出國讀書，真的很自私。
當時在 Berkeley 時就有和韓國室友提到這件事。當時的她看起來有點沮喪，經我詢問下才發現其實我們有相同的困擾。
我們在國外想盡資源，美好的天氣、美好的校園、多元的環境，一切都和家鄉不一樣，可是我們卻沒有能力讓父母一起過來生活在這種環境裡。我們在異國想盡一切榮華富貴，而家鄉的父母們卻衣衫襤褸。
好自私。
雖然父母都同意了，也鼓勵我好好爭取，但我還是放不開。傾家蕩產只為了你一人，你的良心過的去嗎？未來再回報，有成就時再回報，但那是多久以後呢？敢保證一定會能讓父母同樣享盡榮華富貴嗎？同樣享受生活？
喔，有錢真好。
我最喜歡做的事就是懶懶地趴在床上，邊聽音樂邊編輯、上傳剛拍好的照片
以此紀錄我的義式醃牛肉培根蔬菜蛋炒飯
下次應該先把牛肉炒好放旁邊，要不然跟著其他料一起炒會太老
放培根是對的，因為很肥，當蔬菜用奶油炒過後，再放入培根和飯，就很香了
剛好抓住的雜念
I have a dream that one day Taiwanese competitors and all other talents can win the glory which should belong to them in the international arena - without any political pressure from either China or any country and individual that has been bribed by benefits, blinded by ignorance, and bewitched by stereotypes.
從「大晉兵力勝於往時，不於此際平壹四海，而更阻兵相守，使兵困於征戍，經歷盛衰，不可長久也」看「美伊、美阿戰爭」對美國力之影響
「大晉兵力勝於往時，不於此際平壹四海，而更阻兵相守，使兵困於征戍，經歷盛衰，不可長久也。」--《晉書 羊祜傳》（武帝咸寧二年 / 276 A.D.）
若以軍事科技和預算來講，美軍勝過伊拉克和阿富汗「反叛軍」許多，唯一最對美不利者為國際討伐美出兵的聲浪至此仍不停歇。
若不計一切，以美軍立場，只求完全退出伊、阿戰場，有以下兩絕境：
- 盡全美軍軍力，武力征服所有反抗勢力
- 盡全美政府之力，撤除所有駐伊、阿大大小小單位
以上兩點近年內絕無可能，故美國國力勢必因伊、阿戰爭下滑，正是「使兵困於征戍」。
另，引文提到「經歷盛衰，不可長久也」；美在小布希任內於 2003 年出兵伊拉克，至今已邁入第七年，且撤兵一事仍遙遙無期。由美主導並在歐洲尋求聯軍的反恐戰爭也同時展開。兩場在中東的戰事以每秒幾萬美元的速度消耗美國國庫以及美國大兵的熱血。
美國國內民心下滑、國際聲望大幅掉落，以往天真的「美國精神」時逢經濟大蕭條，愛國心已無法持續支援這場奢侈戰事。華爾街崩盤、美國債台高築，連帶影響歐洲整體經濟，造成全球經濟恐慌。
美國阮囊羞澀，而持美國債最大宗者為發展中國家的老大 -- 中國。
美國國力下滑，勢必得重尋財力。縱觀現今全球發展局勢，滾滾熱潮流入新興市場 -- 中國、印度、巴西、俄羅斯、非洲諸國等，以往被傳統西方視為「落後國家」的「發展中國家」。比鄰這些國家的小國也受惠，如亞洲南韓、新加坡、越南，非洲迦納、南美洲智利，等等。
國力興衰就在十年之內，即使禍因早已深埋。
簡短地來說，美國未來依靠在發展中國家，尤以諸國之首中國猶深。為制衡其勢力，美也拉攏金磚中的印度、巴西，非洲民主雄獅迦納，但對俄羅斯仍感些許頭疼，對中國更是愛恨交加，更別提委內瑞拉等國，其左傾領導人反美立場極為鮮明，只能盼南美洲老大哥巴西能出頭幫忙交涉。
簡短地來說，中國可制衡美國發展，除了其崛起的經濟實力與錢潮，更有其在東亞舉足輕重的地位。共產極權國家北韓、孕育共產主義的母國俄羅斯，都與中國相交。
而日本近來因釣魚台事件與中國交惡，但日本近年經濟力下滑、發展停滯，要再爬起必不可缺中國。台灣又與中國簽自由貿易協定，帶動東亞、東南亞與中國之間的貿易交流、經濟互惠，這在在顯示出中國影響力根植亞洲已是既定事實，若無力改變，只能順勢而生。
在殖民勢力撤出、內戰暫時停歇後，非洲將因中國「援助」而盡力擺脫「貧窮」、「黑暗」等舊疾。其資源豐沛可讓中國不在乎中東所蘊藏的油量，因中東已被美軍摧殘、被恐怖主義籠罩、被宗教派系鬥爭給埋沒。
反觀美國、英國等大西洋公約組織國家，都（曾經）被中東戰事拖宕，至今仍深陷泥漿。
若伊、阿戰事不告段落，若反恐戰爭不停止，若恐怖主義仍籠罩北美洲和西歐，美國國力勢必一蹶不起而中國必定帶領其他發展中國家急起直追。
最後，全球勢力將大洗牌。以往歐美主導的價值觀、世界觀、文化觀、思想觀將備受挑戰。
一場新舊之爭、文化保衛戰又將展開，替下一世紀揭開序幕。
-- 草作於民國 99 年 11 月 14 日
Into the fire (Alternate version) - Marilyn Manson - The High End Of Low
This is the film, close to the third act and the misery
It's not rain, you rapist werewolves
It's God pissing down on you
We'll die alone
Cause I'll break off my own arms
Sharpen my bones
Stab you once for each time I thought of you
Trying to take something
You'll never be good enough to even look upon
It's better to push something away that's slipping
Than to risk being dragged down
If you want to hit bottom
Don't bother to try taking me with you
I won't answer if you call
Two heartbeats ended in hell
Trying to break your fall
This isn't a mob, won't need to change the names
Everyone around you
Has murdered someone, something sacred
Isn't one nail without dirt under it
Isn't any white cotton panties that aren't soaked and stained red
It's better to push something away that's slipping
Than to risk being dragged down
If you want to hit bottom
Don't bother to try taking me with you
I won't answer if you call
Two heartbeats ended in hell
Trying to break your fall
Into the fire
Into the fire
Into the fire
Into the fire
Fire, ohh
Into the fire
Fire, ohh
Into the fire
Fire, ohh
Into the fire
Fire, ohh
whatever doesn't kill you is going to leave a scar
It's not like I made myself a list,
Of new and different ways to murder your heart.
I'm just painting that's still wet,
If you touch me, I'll be smeared
You'll be stained,
Stained for the rest of your life
So turn around, walk away,
Before you confuse the way we abuse each other.
If you're not afraid of getting hurt,
Then I'm not afraid of how much I hurt you.
I'm well aware I'm a danger to myself,
Are you aware I'm a danger to others?
There's a crack in my soul,
You thought it was a smile.
Whatever doesn't kill you,
Is gonna leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you,
Is gonna leave a scar.
I'm more like a silver bullet,
And I'm like a gun, not easy to hold.
I'm moving fast and if I stay inside your heart,
I'm certain that this will be,
The end of your life.
So turn around, walk away,
Before you confuse the way we abuse each other.
If you're not afraid of getting hurt,
Then I'm not afraid of how much I hurt you.
I'm well aware I'm a danger to myself,
Are you aware I'm a danger to others?
There's a crack in my soul,
You thought it was a smile.
Whatever doesn't kill you,
Is gonna leave a scar.
Whatever doesn't kill you,
Is gonna leave a scar,
Leave a scar,
Leave a scar.
Whatever doesn't kill you, is gonna leave a scar.
She warned you that she may fuck me,
But chances are I'm gonna fuck you over.
Whatever doesn't kill you,
Is gonna leave a scar.
Whatever doesn't kill you,
Is gonna leave a scar
Leave a scar,
Leave a scar.
Whatever doesn't kill you,
Is gonna leave a scar.
秋天到了，來悲一下
回首看那燦爛千陽，萬物依舊
往昔瀟灑仍在，年華卻已
大學的第四年就像一根極品古巴雪茄，抽到最後只剩下菸屁股在那邊滋滋作響。
再怎麼美妙的口感、再怎麼飄香的菸草，燃到盡頭還是盡頭。
捻熄吧。
有錢真好（雜唸跳針篇）
最近身邊很多人都思考未來出路。經濟狀況很明顯地區分出來。
啊，我要去國外讀。托福雅思或GRE和GMAT都考好了。接著要等學校回音。
嗯，補習囉，補托福，考GRE，然後讀國外研究所。---
然後想到這輩子很榮幸跟滿多有錢人當同學。像某某某國中同學或高中同學。
成績不怎樣，留在台灣升學鐵定也不怎樣。功課墊底；大學聯考頂多考上某某普普的私校。
可是家裡有錢，經濟能力能負擔，所以被送出去了。
歌劇院大學某某系，哇，名稱超好聽。清大外語算個屁。
以美國西岸北邊某州命名的大學財務管理系，哇，又申請到日本私立一流名校交換學位，幹，清大外語算個屎。
以奇異果國的首都命名的大學某某系，嗯，感覺仍是比清大外語強。
---
然後在網路上連來連去，看到朋友的朋友。
明明高中是在台灣唸，然後那個校名聽都沒聽過，也不知道在哪哩，甚至會冒出來「咦？這是什麼？」的念頭，可是現在卻在米國某某設計學院學服裝設計。
Fashion Design
Women's Wear Design
Interior Design聽起來可是多麼的響亮又好聽。感覺不曉得哪國的哪一任第一夫人又會穿他們設計的衣服上台參加什麼晚會之類的。
喔，還有一個路人，也是台灣某北部普普私校學士畢業，可是卻也是一樣在讀時裝設計這種一聽名字就看到伸展台和高挑模特兒的美麗世界。
---
當然，這也反映出許多台灣人是對台灣的教育環境多麼的失望。
也反映出台灣的教育環境是多麼地扼殺一個生命的創造力和潛力。
也教導我們不可以因為學業不好，就否認一人未來的可能與發展。
但是，老實說「學歷鍍金」或「本是大草包一個，卻因為家裡有錢送出國而漂白成『歸國學人』」的想法一直出現在我的腦海中。
好吧，我見不得別人好。
好吧，我酸葡萄。
好吧，我心眼狹小。
隨便你怎麼說我，我就是他媽的不爽這種齊頭式的不平等！
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像某某某家看起來極沒氣質，一看就知道教育程度或學養不高，可是他們卻在中部開了五金工廠，還外銷，賺很多。
氣質，能吃嗎？老爺我有的是錢。我兒子是某某某商職肄業，但有什麼關係？我有錢送他去英國留學！
我把剛買的賓士換掉，因為有點小。我買了 BMW 休旅車最新款，我買了家附近一塊空地來當停車場。我在哪哪哪又買了什麼不動產，價值幾千萬。
爆發戶賺再多錢還是爆發戶，擺脫不了從無知識階級想要跳到金字塔頂端的渴望和......可笑。
但是他們到了金字塔頂端，我們這些領人薪水的中產階級，虧有知識涵養和氣質，但，能吃嗎？
「只要擁有富有的心靈就能過地很充足」這類的極為樂觀的理想化說法，想必是有錢又有學識的金字塔頂端人物想出來的吧。喔，又或許是看破紅塵的陶淵明之流的大人物。
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英美前十研究所，每年三四百萬台幣的花費。基本上，碩士兩到三年，博士五到八年。
說是傾家蕩產也不為過。可能還要兼賣親兄弟、表兄弟的屁股，然後也順便把自己推入火坑。
全個家族不吃不喝不穿不消費，全部省下來的所得「剛剛好」能支付你一年的學費呢。
嗯？你說你還要出國讀？
怎麼讀的下去！
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放棄夢想吧！因為你沒有錢！
放棄可以開拓的前途吧！因為你沒有錢！
放棄你的抱負吧！因為你他媽的沒有錢跨出第一步！
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齊頭式的不平等讓人憤世嫉俗！
我無法克制自己繼續地憤世嫉俗下去，直到這個社會是個均富且公平公義的社會！
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"Nature is but an image or imitation of wisdom, the last thing of the soul."
-- Plotinus
