Los Angeles Day 5
Did nothing special today. Yet finally made a decision to buy a new laptop cause the one I'm using isn't good enough for IR/PS's requirement.
Los Angeles Day 4
Sunday's weather was absolutely sunny! Saturday was sunny, too. The sunshine made our visit to Hollywood and Santa Monica rather heated and touristy. I'm a tourist anyhow :P
We visited China Cinemas and Kodak Theater. That's about it. Then we had our late lunch at Umami Burger. A really delicate and delicious burger restaurant! After that, we walked to Santa Monica Pier. The sunshine was too bright, though the weather was still far below it was in Taiwan. Yet I'm afraid I'll get over-tanned 2 years after when I finish my degree at UCSD...
We went to West Hollywood afterwards. Urth Caffe's Green Tea Boba was really authentically Taiwanese! My gaydar beeped a lot while I was there - mostly gays. Their Blueberry Cheesecake was also nice.
Then my cousin and his friends went to have dinner in Little Tokyo in downtown LA. We lined for ramen. Unbelievable.
To sum up, I had a nice Sunday! It was great and touristy! I like that cause that suppose to be my purpose!
Los Angeles Day 3
I wish I had a car and a Californian license so that I could drive myself to West Hollywood, Long Beach, Santa Monica, and around the city and town...
It's been not so exciting and interesting, since I've spent most of my days tagging along with my cousin. Staying at his lab, grabbing some food with him, speaking Chinese with him, and meeting all his Taiwanese friends. It's actually what I was assuming, but I never expected that it would be that indoor and so inside the comfort zone. Restaurants and areas we've been visiting are mostly Chinese and Taiwanese places. Mandarin Chinese is so visible and audible. We even had our lunch at a Taiwanese restaurant near San Gabriel. Bubba tea at Tian-Ren Tea Shop. This was totally out of my expectation. I didn't expect to experience Taiwan that often.
I've been thinking what's the point of getting inside one's cultural comfort zone when one's abroad, or living in a multi-ethnic society. Perhaps it's because of the cultural coalition with other cultures, it makes people tend to stick with people from their own culture, so it brings comfort and ease. I rarely speak American English now. It's so weird. It feels that I've never been outside of my culture and country. Well, but national boundaries scarcely exist under globalization. It's merely a view of perception.
But I can't fit in my cousin's friends. Their topics, their majors, their lives are so different. They talk about computer science, mechanic engineering, PhD lives, songs and entertainment culture from Taiwanese artists, Japanese animes, dramas music, and other Taiwanese grad students.
Frankly, I barely listened or immerse in Taiwanese entertainment culture while I was in Taiwan. I've been listening to Western and independent music throughout my life. I'm so culturally inclined to American and Western culture. While they talked about animes and Jap. artists, I felt so exclusive. Maybe it was due to my jet-lag so I felt tired. But their lifestyle is so different from mine, and I've found it difficult to find a topic to fit in. Isn't that odd? Feeling unfit among a group of people who come from my home country.
Met one of my cousin's friends at the dinner table yesterday. She noticed my leather wristband and asked me where did I get this and if that was a "rainbow" pattern on it. I replied that it was gift from friend. Not really answering her question cause there were others on the table too. If she asked me privately, I would answer differently. My radar caught her curious noticing throughout that night. Yet I was too tired to fake myself to be a social person. Instead, I spoke little and observed more, unless their topics hit my zone.
Planning to visit Hollywood and Santa Monica tomorrow. Yay! Let the rainbow rise!
Los Angeles Day 2
So I finally paid a visit to Chase to open an account and made a deposit. It was so relieving to get rid off those travelers checks and cash. Declaring those TCs took me some time when I was getting through the border and costumes. Shaun was with me to the bank. Well, he's always with me these days. I'm even staying at his lab. It's fine and I have no complaints. But I just wonder when will I be able to visit Hollywood and Santa Monica. It must be the time when he's free too.
The banker at this Chase branch was nice. He explained a lot and tried to make sure that I knew my options, and he was funny too. Yet he said Shaun and I were funny. I guess it was because I spent lots of time signing those TCs... He surely knew how to kill time with humor. Got my debit card finally. They'll send me a 101 Dalmatians version a week later. Yet I haven't double-checked my address at UCSD with the housing office. So the card will be mailed to Shaun's place here at LA. And he'll mail it to me by then. That Dalmatians card is rather adorable.
We spent almost 3 hours at Chase for a new account. Then we headed for lunch at Soy, a sushi place nearby and downstairs of USC's dorm building. It's not that I am easily amazed / wowed, but there're so many pretty girls at USC. WTH. Everyone is legit to be on lookbook.nu or UO catalogs. Shaun told me it'll be different at UCSD. Wonder how different and what's the difference will be.
Right now I'm so jet-lagged. It's 5 in the morning in Taiwan. I must not fall asleep, otherwise it'll be hard for me to get over the jet lag.
I'll go to get a prepaid card later. Hopefully I'll find some family plan members so I could get rid off my dumbphone and get a smartphone and a good plan.
Los Angeles Day 1
今天下午去逛 Museum of Contermpory Art，因為每周四下午五點到八點免費！進去之後，發現展場小布拉基，我已經每幅畫、每個作品說明都看了，也駐足了，卻只花我一個小時...... 怎麼拖都拖不到七點半。於是只好去地下室的閱覽室翻書打發時間，拿了本安迪沃荷的自傳作品集，看著看著，忽然時差襲來，開始打盹......
因為進進出出的人不少，又超多正妹型男，我只好靠意志力勉強撐著，等著睡意過去。就這樣摸呀摸、翻呀翻，知道了一些安迪沃荷的事，時間也讓我拖到七點半了～～
七點半後，離開MOCA，和表哥與表哥的室友們去中國城吃三和燒臘。點了燒鴨撈麵，好油好鹹，喝了一口附的湯，啊幹，更鹹。只好喝上來的茶...... 這些人的腎和舌頭是鐵做的嗎？但是這樣一餐就噴了八塊四毛，含小費。清華水木燒臘其實也很好的。
然後今天上午就是跟嵩翰去 USC，哈哈，體驗大學校園。USC 超多正妹的！型男也多，但是跟布朗是不同的風格。這邊的型男比較粗曠、美式休閒、嬉皮。布朗的比較文青、斯文。但是 USC 的正妹真的不是蓋的！每個身材都很好，比例好，玲瓏有緻，裝扮又有個性。來這種地方上學一定會被影響到要立志變正的呀...... 不曉得UCSD有沒有這麼多正妹可以看......
seriously thinking about turning off my facebook. it's so ridiculous how people in real life are connected through virtual medium which gives people so much comfort, expediency, and irresponsibility.
and it's become so natural that people forget the means of face-to-face communication and daily chit-chats with friends and families. i should redefine the importance of social networking sites to me. a platform for various, and sometimes chaotic information input? a forum that opens for debates from your friends? a source that you can track those people you've met or may not meet, you've known or may not know, you've felt close to or not? a space where you can store images as a print of memory? a place where you can rant about people and expect people to respond through commenting or more possibly, liking it?
what's my priority?
the only thing i'm certain right now is that i will definitely not spend so much of my life on facebook as soon as i get busier and more content about my life. it's not that i'm not satisfied with my current life. i just have a feeling that my future life will be so different, exciting, and challenging than my past. i should also adopt new ways of living to explore my potential and infinite possibility of being my true self.
logging on social networking sites, hanging there and expecting people's updates and responses are certainly not what i'm going to repeat as mistakes. besides, as long as life gets more complicated and mutual friends gets more and more entangled, privacy barely exists on facebook. i'd rather rant over someone face-to-face with pals i trust. i'd rather share pics of my life with my smart phone to my pals, instead of posting it online. i know there's privacy setting. but clicking and scrolling down those options sort of disable my freedom.
ah, life, full of twists and unexpectable shit.
低
一家四口，小孩都高中了，還把房間殺價到三千五，還硬要說其中一個人會睡車上不過夜。四個人，三千五、刷卡，附晚餐，在風景區，還有景觀、裝潢好的房間，一個人只付出八百多的價錢。
台灣人，你有那麼必要如此低俗嗎？自己在國內都消費不起，只會砍自己同胞的價錢，這樣你有比較爽嗎？經濟循環到最後，國內消費不起，只會殺價，那對整個經濟有比較好嗎？
你知道八百多塊，在國外只能住青年旅館的四到八人宿舍房的一個床位嗎？還不一定有附早餐喔。就算有附早餐，也是要自己煎的鬆餅粉。
臺灣人出去玩都花不起、看不起自己台灣人，連教養都沒有，是要怎麼辦？台灣島要沉沒啦。服務業真的是看盡社會上最難看的一面。不管你再怎麼低聲下氣，還是會有人要找你麻煩。
互相尊重，很難嗎？這不是人與人相處的基本道理，哪能被花錢是大爺的心態給抹滅？
忍耐
高中畢業後，每次與那群好友會面，總是可以馬上如以往大談垃圾話，大家都笑的很開心。
現在大學畢業了，一時間要我想幾個可以如此自在大談垃圾話的人，還真想不起來。但在這群人之間，我又有個和以往不同的自己。
但即使是朋友，我還是很不喜歡事情都沒弄清楚，就公開高談闊論道理的人。有些事情可以私下說，網路其實只是圖一時之便，或是圖社群網路帶來的曝光率。
若有不愉快或微詞，何不私下說，甚至是當面解決？何必事情拖那麼久，直到最後一刻人去樓空，才在發表自己的委屈？我真的搞不懂。
反正本來平靜的心，看到那些話，又不開心。但想想，反正以後或許都見不著面，何必如此費心，想要勸自己看開點，不要過度聯想或者對號入座。但那些話真是刺眼...... 有些話我也可以說的，但我覺得這些事情根本不該公開，所以選擇沉默。但殊不知，要吵的有糖吃！
唉，看開吧！
畢竟一切一拍兩散，天下沒有不散的筵席。但總是覺得這幾年的相處都是惘然，有些可惜罷了。
到頭來還是因為我太在意、太容易感知周遭人事物，所以受傷最多。所以離群索居，或者培養出能將情感切的一乾二淨的能力，才是對自己最好的。或者，我就不該把事情看的太認真。認真就輸了，不是嗎？
昨晚睡覺前，看見月光從窗檯照入，於是起身走到窗外，想再一窺滿天星斗的美景。
只見對面的山群，被絲絲山嵐壟罩，但山頂在月光的照耀下，清晰無比。因已過半夜，月亮西沉，只見月光從遠方悠悠地投射白光，照的四周一片銀白，襯著群山的黑。四周萬籟俱寂。一抬頭，只見滿天星斗，即可以肉眼望及整片銀河。我將頭轉了一百八十度，往後仰望，只見眾星圍繞在屋頂周圍，月光隱隱從後方露出......
孤寂、無奈、開闊、欣慰，眾多複雜的情感，只能在一片寂靜下，投射在無語的星空。
若人可以將自己置身於更偉大的事物中，就會發現自己在意的執著不過如此渺小地可笑。
（接下來的）人生
幹他媽的，安全帽戴好，就往前衝了啊！
如果自己的快樂源自於自己，那只好自私點，把別人撞的遍體麟傷，自己再回頭說聲道歉就好了。
很多時候，人不說話，是因為他們覺得這種事情多說無益，何必來個馬後炮？而且自己吃苦，不代表別人也沒吃苦；他人可能選擇默默把事情做好，只為了好聚好散。
如果一切並非本意，或者被誤解，那何必當初？講者無心，聽者有意；那是否開口前三思？
幹，超累的。累到不想講話，並不代表我過的很爽，好嗎？只看誰先開口要糖吃。
但若我又把事情看的太認真，也想的太多、認真，那是否一切非當面的言語、字句，都要以鄉民的「認真就輸了」五字箴言來看待？那發言還帶有任何責任嗎？沒有責任的發言，是胡言亂語或是言論自由？
反正我就是會太認真、會過度解讀。你想怎樣？本來就要謹言慎行，又不是在密室或是私人會議。網路空間也是公開場合。公開場合謹言慎行，不是嗎？
但我可能自己又太認真了。或許公開場合謹言慎行早就不流行了。
quote from Shantarm
「過去」這件斗篷，以感覺為補釘，縫綴而成。大部分的時候，我們所能做的，就是把這件斗篷披在身上，以求舒適，或在我們掙扎著前進時，把它拖在身後。但事事皆有因，皆有其意義。每個人生、每份愛、每個行動、感覺、想法，都有其理由和意涵，都有其開始，都在最後發揮某種作用。有時，我們真的看見；有時，我們把過去看得非常清楚，把過去各部分的傳說了解的非常透徹。因此，時間的每個縫線顯露其目的，也蘊含某種深意。任何生活不管過的多富裕或多貧窮，生活中最睿智的東西莫過於失敗，最清楚的東西莫過於悲傷。而根據其給予我們的小小寶貴洞見，就連那些可怕、可恨的敵人，苦難和失敗，都有其存在的理由和權利。
此時此刻
幹 我超厭世的啊
可能在大樓頂的邊緣 風一吹我可能就不小心隨風掉下去了
如此悲戚的負面情緒衝擊怎麼來的呢？好煩喔喔喔喔喔喔
如果我現在不在這裡打廢話我會死掉
其實想一想，可以聽我這種廢話的人好像不多
我真可憐
再去吃屎吧
媽的好煩 對我的生活厭倦了 想做一些新鮮的事
看膩了老面孔 受夠了一貫的生活
但一堆事要做 煩死了 幹 一堆怒氣和怨氣無法發洩
有時候機歪一個人卻不能說 因為常想其實是自己機歪
幹去吃屎吧 人生為何如此痛苦
淨化
跑完操場走過行政大樓時，天刮了風，斜雨迎面而來，澆在我泛紅的肌膚上。在路燈照耀下，雨是粉白色，像細長的針扎在潮濕的空中，為行人孤僻的心靈針灸。
我面仰天，張開雙手，似耶穌基督受難之姿，讓累積多日的雨水淨化我紛亂的心靈；未知論的我，此時此刻，相信宇宙的運轉會讓生命找到出路，就如夏日的燜熱總會化為雷雨落下。
陣雨和慢跑總是充滿節奏。若沒有採光罩與屋簷阻隔，雨滴是規律的直線下墜，在落地瞬間，濺為數個小分身，再歸於大地。是一場與地面接觸的撞擊，可大可小。
慢跑時，感受運用肌肉踏步、出力、伸展的內在力量；感受分別用小腿施力、大腿施力的差別；感受用腰背承受落地時的震動，以及趨進的動力。聆聽自己的腳步聲落在跑道上，那種可大可小的差距，全在自己的掌控中。或許我就是迷戀上這種完全屬於自己的運動，因為誠如友人甲所說：「妳心思都不放在別人心上，只在意自己想在意的事。」
雨下得越大，與地面的撞擊越大，濺起的水花也越大。人付出的越多，可嘗試的機會也越多，收穫的機率也越多。我一向羨慕友人乙，因為她勇於嘗試、敢於挑戰、樂於付出、善於實踐。她笑容滿面，但對於該做的事、該對的事卻從不苟且。她就像飽滿圓潤的雨滴，毫無顧慮地脫離雲朵，享受地心引力的每分每秒，再以完美的姿態下墜，而濺起的水花也會在光線照耀下產生炫爛無比的彩虹......
淋濕的身體在起風時，讓我感到涼意。我壓抑下想要打顫的衝動，一如我掩蓋我在乎的心情，只為了可笑的、怕受傷害的、太過在乎他人想法的自尊。當我仰面，任雨水冷卻我泛紅的肌膚時，我想的是那一晚許多的如果，然後我在內心嘆息。畫面定格、播放、倒帶、再播放，只為確保我聽到的、我感覺到的並沒有錯。
我那麼注重於自己，以致於友人甲抱怨我「別人的事常常要說好幾次妳才會記得，說到我都不耐煩了」，可能就是因為自己太在意別人，但又怕得不到相同的在乎，所以反而退縮，變得只在乎自己...... 因為管好自己就可以免於讓自己受傷害。但事實證明，即使自己不受傷害，旁人還是會多少被傷害。
其實我從來沒有想要傷害人的意思，我只是想隨心所欲，順其自然，求當下最適的選擇罷了。但我的內心防衛機制，產生不了渾圓飽滿的雨珠，而是道道歪斜的刺雨。
當雨落下，順著運動後的汗水滑落，我想的是：我會不會孤寂而死？
我只是想自在做自己......
唉唷威呀
其實就是太在乎、太敏感，所以選擇不願嘗試...... 我想這就是人參吧。但往往不表態，就是喪失機會和未來的可能性。讀《項塔蘭》讀到，愛是「單向的」，是付出之後不能要回報的東西、消逝就消逝的東西。其實不應該只限於愛，我覺得人的情感就是如此：複雜又不可捉摸。所以這種時候，選擇逃避是最簡單的。
seriously?!
my mom's been pushing me to date boys. yay, i'm probably old (23 this mid June) but it doesn't mean i'm not popular, alright? it depends on which direction and priority i go! STOP PUSHING ME, OKAY?! seriously, don't you even know "don't ask, don't tell"? GRRRRHHHHHHHH! i so want to come out of this.
即將面臨的道別
是誰會在這種天氣感冒呢？唉，只能說前幾天涼涼的，害我穿小背心就去睡覺，只蓋件薄被而已。在這種熱天流鼻水實在滿討厭的，又，圖書館冷氣開得跟什麼一樣，走去時滿身汗，一進去汗水瞬間蒸發，冷死。還好老娘學乖了，今天有帶薄外套。嗤。
再過幾個禮拜就要離開新竹了！好恐怖！每當一件規畫很久的事要到來之時，就會害怕真正來臨的時刻。我真的浮現乾脆去找工作，不要讀研究所的念頭耶。是什麼樣的心境呢？懦弱？猶豫？面對未來的無法預測，人心竟會逐漸從狂喜轉為退縮。
還有好多事情沒有做...... 只有在面臨深淵時，才會抬頭仰望天空的燦爛千陽。
我就要和好友別離了，一別不知何年何夕相見。自高中畢業五年至今，我也只回去看過學校老師一次...... 我這種個性，唉，有些孤僻，但又相信真正的情誼總會在離別幾年後，絲毫不改地在相見那刻、眼神遇上那刻，重新浮上心頭。所以在我的定義之下，我世界中的好朋友屈指可數。大部分是點頭之交，但這幾年又有了「臉書之交」：大概就介於陌生人和點頭之交之間，是那種在路上遇到，會想要當作沒看到以避免接下來不知要接什麼話的尷尬場面的那類。
在一個地方待了五年，我還是只想感嘆，唉，時間過得真快！風馳電掣。我開始像老年人，回憶一下這幾年有什麼遺憾是我還在乎的。但有鑑於這裡是公開場合，我還是一貫地不要說太多細節好了。
接著大略算了一下，原來我出國前能回家的次數沒幾次。最長的也只剩六月底到七月中，那段搬離新竹、待在家的日子。就那段子，之後可能要每半年或一年才能見到家人。其實我不太清楚我一離開家後，還能不能找到愛我的人。我會用放大鏡檢視自己在意的事，所以對我喜歡、在意的事情，會特別苛求。對我來說，自我的存在，與了解自我本質，是我之為我的定義。而我又會拿這種眼光去判斷他人，讓我陷入自卑、自滿的矛盾情結。我就回難免想避開刻意的社交活動或人際關係。不強求、無為的人際關係和社交狀態是我一直想與自己妥協的。
雜記
- 有時人的存在不就是掙一口氣？為了自尊和自信而堅持。看到一些臉書朋友都申請上各領域的頂尖研究所，我內心就會心有不甘，升出一股氣，想拚看看約翰霍普金斯的候補。但又想到我在聖地牙哥會有朋友先帶我四處逛逛，學校旁又是美麗的海岸和沙灘，加州更是生活聖地、戶外天堂。怎麼說好像都比較適合我的個性？學費也便宜多了，住宿也便宜；而且把這些錢省下來可以去墨西哥和中美洲趴趴走！
- 最近在看項塔蘭。它是本滿有意義的書，深入地刻劃人生哲學卻又不落窠臼，也不會讓人不知所云。看著看著，頗有感觸呀。
- 看了愛和繼承人生。原來郭彩潔講話是那樣啊，天啊，都是個成年人了講話怎麼還像貓一樣在那邊叫呢？受不了。但片中人是滿正的啦。喔，還有，在布朗認識的點頭之交，他那時跟我說他有回台灣幫忙鈕承澤的一部新片，因為他爸是攝影師。我後來知道他說的是這部，所以看製作團隊時特別注意「攝影」字樣的。結果，你知怎麼地，他爸竟然超有名！我本來還不知道他爸超有名，還是去估狗後才知道！他爸是李屏賓！一看那些照片，他果然跟他爸有像！至於繼承人生嘛，感想就是夏威夷好漂亮、片中喬治克隆尼的大女兒身材超好、喬治克隆尼有帥演技好。完全是部看演技的片。
- 啊，以上兩部還不如「詭屋」好看咧！是部不落俗套的驚悚恐怖片！
- 從以上看來，似乎最近生活很文青，但我也只是滿宅的。而且又不知為何，懶懶的不是很想去運動，唉，好糟。天氣不是熱死就是濕死，真難提起興致。
will ya stop mind-fucking me? will ya? will ya?
honestly, your image lingers in my head whenever you're possibly around and spotted by me!
when i see you my heartbeat accelerates; i don't know where to put my eyes; i feel blushed; my mind stops; i have to strive to talk, and i want to know if you feel the same.
Kaya Scodelario Interview - Wuthering Heights & Skins Movie - London Fil...
SHE IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. PERIOD.
Trevor Hall - Mirror of the Sky - With Lyrics
Mirror of the sky
What is on your mind
I've been waiting for a sign
In this hide and seek
Will we ever meet
Remove the dust from my eyes
When the daylight comes
I can't see the sun
I can only feel the rain
Is my heart at war
Well I don't know for sure
As I kiss the lion's mane
Tell me what's the cost
Oh for being lost
Can I ever pay the price
For I have lost the reigns
All my horses are insane
A blind man rolls my dice
I knew all along
The silence in the song
Was the map to take me home
Well I kept listening
But lord I kept missing it
And now I'm stuck at the crossroads
Do you remember when the oceans sang in hymns
Do you remember when the stars used to play
Do you remember when we used to share our food
Well I do every second of the day
Have you ever wondered what's behind the sun
Have you ever thought of kissing the moon's rays
Do you remember when we used to dream without any fear
Well I do every second of the day
misunderstood. - a short documentary on skateboarding in new york city
misunderstood. from NY Skateboarding on Vimeo.
Pot Legalization Could Save U.S. $13.7 Billion Per Year, 300 Economists Say
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/17/economists-marijuana-legalization_n_1431840.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009
March's reflection
I'm happy to be who I am now. Because of these characteristics, I'm able to observe more, sense more, feel more, and express more. I'm able to have these talents in arts, appreciations, and sports. If I wasn't born with my sentiment, my sharp observation, and the way I am now, I wouldn't be able to achieve what I have achieved, to do what I have had courage to do, and to be where I have been. It's a very subtle yet keen recognition. I'm happy that I'm finally feeling confident for myself, for my existence, for my past.
i hate you
i didn't ask for your approval. i was seeking for support. but you turned your back on me and that just kicked me to the pit.
失望透頂
我搞不懂為什麼不能讓我去尼泊爾，明明就花我自己的錢也不行！還說什麼我之前去過那麼多地方了，你哥哥都沒去，你不覺得不公平嗎？
這是什麼話？之前那些都是靠我自己申請上計劃，靠自己寫計畫書、面試通過、拉贊助、拿獎學金才能出國的，講的好像我都是花家裡的錢一樣！還好我早就知道你們這種摳門的個性根本不會讓我自己出去，拚自己的力量去找計畫申請，才能出國，也才有這些經歷可以說嘴申請研究所，要不然我豈不是跟屁一樣？
去迦納一個月根本花不到九千塊；去美國兩個月也只花七萬；去澳洲兩個禮拜也只花七千塊；要清清楚楚算的話，大學去了這幾個地方，加起來根本不到十萬！
這次要自己出錢，讓自己純粹是出去玩也不行！你的理由是什麼？
七萬五兩個禮拜去那種落後地方太貴了？這是什麼東西？台灣又是很高尚的地方嗎？
什麼以後自己工作再去.............. 這根本是兩門子的事情，為什麼要扯進來？
工作之後跟現在出去當然不一樣啊！搞什麼嘛！
真的是很煩很受不了，為什麼會有這種想法呢？還到處評論別人的生活、工作...
你要禁止我去，是因為怕我以後管不動嗎？這根本是不一樣的問題！我都已經成年了，你到底想怎樣？我花我自己的錢又不是去作奸犯科，我只是想好好地出去玩，也不行嗎？？
我受夠了，他媽的！誰來把我斃了算了，以免他們之後會更失望
待辦事項
- （做香草香蕉Reese's巧克力蛋糕）+（感謝卡）*3 以謝謝老師
- 跑步跑步跑步訓練訓練訓練 - 四月七號的13K路跑
- 去九份玩
- 去中壢玩和吃牛肉麵
- 看翁山蘇姬
- 看海豹部隊
- 看飢餓遊戲 國際影城
- 看鞋貓劍客 二輪
- 四月中去尼泊爾？
上了
Master of Pacific International Affairs, School of International Relations and Pacific Studies (IR/PS), UC San Diego.
根據USA News的說法，它在國際政治領域研究所排名全美第六，一到五分別是：Princeton (#1)、Stanford (#1)、Harvard (#3)、Columbia (#4)、Uni. of Michigan, Ann Arbor 。
被候補的 Johns Hopkins 反而是第十七。但整體而言，Johns Hopkins 名字好聽、又是私校，而且它的 School of Advanced International Studies 在華府，以後要找實習很容易，地理位置方便，離政治經濟中心和東部大都會相當有優勢。而且在東岸，有時候可買到便宜機票，一飛就到歐洲了......
問題就在它學費太貴..... 加上生活費要比UCSD高個幾十萬吧。雖然說UC系統的學費一直都很不便宜......
現在疑似UCSD有給我獎學金的機會，但是我不肯定，因為我覺得也有可能是我閱讀能力有問題，理解錯了它訊息裡的意思。但可以肯定的是我被錄取了，只是根據之前面試人員說的，我七月就會被要求過去上 Prep. courses，這裡指的是統計課。
但UCSD的另一個好處就是它在美麗的海邊...... 完美的海岸線可以去衝浪和趴板，還有鄰近Tijuana，可以放假跑去墨西哥或中美洲玩樂。又可以往上開到洛杉磯都會區，再開還可以到灣區、更北邊的優勝美地..... 每年的不曉得幾月，在內華達州還有 Burning Man Festival，完全是嘻皮的盛會，這種東西怎麼可以錯過呢？
不，重點不在這些。
重點在學院裡有個 Institute of Laws and Regulations（？），是位美麗的教授主持的計畫，研究發展中國家的法律和制度，試圖從中分析出獨裁者奪權的理論，等等等。那個教授是 Stanford 畢業的。當初準備面試時，研究了一下學院的教職人員，發現有滿多有趣的東西，這些學術的發展才是我的重點！
其實我有幻想過：讀完 UCSD 碩士後，看能不能申請 Stanford 博士，然後就可以待在美麗的灣區了。
而且加州根本就是戶外運動的天堂！我如此過動，怎麼能錯過呢？
雖然說約翰霍普金斯大學的名聲真的是一拿出來就砍死很多人...... 加州大學聖地牙哥分校，大家都還會問妳 UCSD 是南加大（USC）嗎？還是是.... UC...What? SD 是什麼的縮寫？
唉，UC 也太多了，難怪外行人搞不清楚。UC Davis、UC Berkeley、UC San Francsico、UC Santa Cruz、UC Santa Barbara、UC Irvine、UC San Diego，我還有漏掉什麼嗎？
但那麼多學校裡，可能也只有見識多的人才知道 UC San Francisco (UCSF) 的醫學和生物科技非常有名地好吧？是全美公立學校裡的地一把交椅，僅次於哈佛、約翰霍普金斯大學。UC Berkeley 的法學、商學、社會學、性別研究、工學院也非常有名，這大概就不用多說。
而 UC San Diego 有全加州大學系統裡唯一的國際關係學院（UC Berkeley 只有政治學），而且地理位置和歷史淵源和亞洲、太平洋脫離不了關係。亞太區域已經是未來的焦點所在，選擇 UCSD 一定不會比約翰霍普金斯差。但外行人不清楚這點。
所以我來替自己辯護一下：UCSD 的國際關係很好的！
我想要怒吃墨西哥菜、怒衝浪、怒加入LGBTQ Resource Center的QxN和酷酷的人們一起玩戶外運動！
而且加州回亞洲機票比較便宜！
但是......
萬一Johns Hopkins被我備到怎麼辦？
我可能還是要先比一下學費開支和其他好處吧...... 一個是標準的西岸生活，另一個是標準的東岸生活，差有點多！
darn it
freaking wait-listed by johns hopkins darn please wish me luck luck luck luck luck luck luck luck luck luck i have only few options at hand now how should i play or should i just leave the table i am so hesitant and anxious about the only pending grad program which has been the last among all the others the decision should come out this week freaking week but i am still waiting why is it so slow i am literally panicking over the result now because others' decisions have broken my heart and it is too weak to be torn apart again seriously i have no expectation now since i am almost ready for the worst situation am i how i wish all other admitted applicants would go to other programs and leave enough space for me to be not on the wait list but an enrolled ma student arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh luckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
節食健身
早餐：澱粉類、蛋白質（蛋、乳酪、牛奶）、水果
中餐：蛋白質（肉）、蔬菜、水果
晚餐：蔬菜
喝：水
禁：糖、炸、油
動：有氧（游泳、慢跑）一小時以上、伸展運動（大腿、臀部、腰背部）半小時、肌力訓練（伏地挺身、抬腿、仰臥起坐）十五分鐘
理想：53-54kg
近日小結
天氣放晴了，好開心！所以終於又能早起去實行晨泳了
待會趁著好天氣去溜達～～
清大的男人真噁心，媽的連游個泳的動機都只是「看妹」，是有沒有那麼飢渴？
有誰可以救贖他們嗎？
之前從男性友人那裏聽到，有的男的走在校園裡，看到正妹就會對同行好友說出「好想__她」的話....................................
真的很誇張
是不會自己上網援交或去找娼妓嗎？
何必讓自己的人生聽起來像是一條狗呢？
some updates
- Woke up at 7 and done a morning swim for an hour
- Woke up at 6:30 and done a morning swim for an hour and half
- Done a webcam interview with a grad school admission staff
- Need to do my Principles of Economics assignment
- Thinking to go to that nice cafe (Ink Coffee) downtown for some Belgium beer while doing my assignment (Must bring my laptop cause they've got free wifi)
Quotation of the day
“People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.”
— Albert Einstein
社交餘額
社交餘額用罄
so want to do it
my friend is organizing for a trip to Everest Base Camp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG that would be the only chance in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'd really want to go but my parents won't let me... how should i persuade them? i'm thinking to see this trip as a gift for myself IF i receive the offer from my ideal grad school.
omg
omg
omg
i'm mentally orgasmed
urgghhh
i'm so fucking fat and ugly... but i just can't stop eating. neither can i cultivate a jogging habit. by habit i mean a really sustainable one. at least 1 year.
what the fuck. i'm so useless. i'm only good at being lazy and complaining about this pathetic society.
see? i'm complaining and implementing my judgement in it again.
don't
you know yourself best, so don't let yourself down!
if that thing's been up in your mind so long, then it must be sorted out.
you might hesitate for the coming results, whether it'll be worse or not, but it must be done!
life is short. you live only once. just do it or else you'll be stuck in the same situation and doubting over and over again.
get it done, and you'll be free, momentarily.
life is a total fuck
didn't know life would be this hard until the truth was realized and accepted. only if humans could be fed and satisfied by dreams and dreams only... then would there be no more harm and disappointment. an utopia where people may take whatever they deserve, and live their short life to its utmost - because our existence is too short to be marked on the history of this universe.
好糟糕
走在路上都會瞟向__人，以前不會這樣，但我現在被培養出來了！
都只能上湯不樂或是做臉書跟蹤，連來連去這樣，看到正妹（或帥哥）好開心
現實生活中呢？難道沒有天生麗質的人嗎？討厭市區那種濃妝妹或潮男
i wish i was born deaf
I wish I was born deaf
So I could not hear
The roaring of anger,
The tears of heartbreaks,
And the delusion of a family
that was once or never
Happily ever after.
It was a game of decibel--
The louder you shouted
The deeper you stabbed.
Everyone was loser;
Winner got it all--
The fury, the pain, and
The disappointment.
I wish I was born deaf
Except before someone could
Enlighten me the importance or
Meaning of human relations.
I wish I was born deaf
So that I could never bear
The sword of words and
The blood of tears.
Tracy Chapman - Fast Car
I wanna a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere
Any place is better
Starting from zero, got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
Me, myself, I've got nothing to prove
You've got a fast car
I've got a plan to get us out of here
Been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
Won't have to drive too far
Just cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living
See my old man's got a problem
Live with the bottle, that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
His body's too young, to look like his
When mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did
You've got a fast car
Is it fast enough so we can fly away?
We gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way
Say remember when we were driving, driving in your car
Speed so fast it felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone
You've got a a fast car
We go cruising entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
Now I work in the market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a bigger house and live in the suburbs
Say remember when we were driving, driving in your car
Speeds so fast it felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone
You've got a fast car
I've got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me'd find it
I got no plans and I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving
Say remember when we were driving, driving in your car
Speeds so fast it felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone
You've got a fast car
Is it fast enough so you can fly away?
You gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way
親戚
[Scenario 1]
So I was rewatching Million Dollar Baby this afternoon while one of my relatives walked into the living room.
"Oh, boxing?"
"Yes." (Isn't it obvious?)
"Girls usually don't like boxing movies."
"(Trying to decipher the inference)"
I don't understand why a movie / sport preference has anything to do with gender. I mean, Million Dollar Baby is a great movie, and it's even more like a drama genre instead of typical sport movies... And excuse me, I'm a girl and I love this kind of inspiring, hot-blooded, and touching boxing / sport / adventure movie. So am I uncommon or what?
[Scenario 2]
So relatives were asking me my grad school plans when we were having lunches, having a supposed-to-be-carefree afternoon walk, and having our dinners. They kept persuading me to study MBA and other sorts of fields which they regarded as "practical." Then they started to infer or comment on those I'd applied as "future unemployment" or "scarcely promising in the future of Taiwan."
I am so perplexed... Ain't I the one who's going to study? I thought I was old enough to make my own decisions regarding to studies and life events...
[Very inspiring conclusion]
I freaking <3<3<3 holidays when I have to be interrogated by relatives whom I rarely meet, and I have to explain myself to them even though I do nothing wrong.
torture
one of my acquaintances just got the admission from London School of Economics. my applications are still pending. the result will come out in march and april. i had two cups of americano yesterday afternoon so i couldn't fall asleep last night. i yawned for 400 times i guessed. my mind was drifting. i thought of what it'd be in march and april.
my heartbeat accelerated.
winter vacation resolution!
- lose weight
- lose weight
- lose weight
- lose weight
- get fit
- get fit
- get fit
- get fit
- tighten my thighs
- tighten my thighs
- tighten my thighs
- tighten my thighs
- minimize my ass
- minimize my ass
- minimize my ass
- minimize my ass
holidays
sometimes i do feel holiday season is suffocating. maybe it's because there is a lack of understanding and too much expectation in the air.
sadness
is that we can only offer fresh for diplomacy and international soft power. wtf. even a brainless person could be picked? what's wrong with that screening process? omg. omg. omg. omg. i seriously wish that she could know what she would be facing and would withdraw NOW.
選情出來前就想打這篇了
千里迢迢搭高鐵去高雄，再搭捷運、再搭渡輪，只為去旗津戶籍地投票；投完之後馬上再千里迢迢，搭高鐵回台中，再轉客運到埔里、再搭到清境。
今天早上五點起床，一路通勤，到剛剛六點才到清境。下海又上山，只為了投票。我一路上一直在想，是什麼力量讓我們這樣做？
一回到戶籍地阿嬤家，我用我破爛台與打了招呼。一位長輩用閩南語跟我說：「妳是台灣人，妳不會說台語？」揶揄、取笑之意很明顯，但我想對方是長輩也不方便說什麼。
去了投票所外，一位鄉親在外面跟路過的人說（閩南語）：「台灣人要投給台灣人！台灣人要決定自己的未來！拜託請投給管碧玲！拜託，台灣不能輸！」
想到我們台中老家附近，有間五金行的老闆（身兼大地主），每次看到我爸媽去光顧就會喊：「國民黨來了，國民黨來了！國民黨黑金！」
再看到競選標語「公平正義」、「台灣第一位女總統」......
剛剛在搭車回清境的路上，聽到後面兩位和我年齡相近的男性，邊拿出智慧型手機邊說：「幹，這次是台灣存亡的關鍵耶！小英不能輸！台灣不能再四年被人欺負！」、「外島輸了啦，外島在幹麻？去吃屎吧！」一路上邊更新選情，邊大聲討論哪一區輸了、差距又拉了幾萬票，並夾雜「幹」、「台灣人輸了」、「馬英九做那麼爛為什麼還會當選」......等等話語。
馬英九只因他出生在香港，就註定要被標籤為「親中派」嗎？不論他和蔡英文都是力求形象清新、高學歷，海外歸國的留學生？
一位是康乃爾大學碩士、英國倫敦政經學院博士；一位是紐約大學碩士、哈佛大學博士。若以學歷、清新度來說，兩位候選人都相當優秀。
若要將兩位旅居海外的時間算起來的話，蔡英文豈不是也和馬英九一般？
有人說馬英九是「台灣第一位香港出生的男總統」嗎？若台灣能選出第一位女性總統，我相信一定會是東亞的民主之光。但是再再強調「女總統」以及「台灣人」、「台灣意識」，以及「公平正義」...... 我感覺到只是劃分性別、劃分族群、劃分階級。
難道每個成長在台灣、位台灣努力打拼的人都不算是台灣人嗎？
難道要因為出生背景不同，即使成長在台灣、為台灣貢獻，也始終被認為、被標籤為
「親中」、「親共」，「心不在台灣」？
那在全球化的時代，有更多外籍人士因為工作、婚姻、事業、家庭，而留在台灣，那他們要算是台灣人嗎？即使他們也在我們這社會，默默地替我們工作，他們也算是「心不在台灣嗎」？
如果真的是如此，那所謂屬於台灣人民的「公平正義」在哪裡？
是什麼原因讓我們每次一遇到選舉，就會開始聚焦在每個人的籍貫、出生、會不會講台語、家人是不是本省人？
我們家可考的祖先是從泉州來的，有台灣平埔族和中國東北女真族的血統。但是我爸和我媽，以及我爸和我媽的爸媽都是歷代居住在台灣一、兩百年，甚至更久；生於台灣、長於台灣，在台灣打拼的中國移民後代。
但是這樣的背景，並不會讓我成為中國人；我是台灣人。
但是這樣的背景，並不會讓我一定要會說台語（閩南語）。
你、我都生在東亞太平洋區域，請問你、我會說遍這區域的語言嗎？
你、我都生在東亞太平洋區域，請問你、我會因為這樣而覺得自己是韓國人、日本人、菲律賓人、印尼人、馬來西亞人、新加坡人嗎？
是不是台灣人，出生並不重要；如果一切都這麼要緊，那就違反所謂的「公平正義」。
是不是台灣人，我想最重要的是有沒有為這個社會做貢獻、把理想化諸實際、追求全民共同和最大的利益，而不是劃分你、我、他。
"Nature is but an image or imitation of wisdom, the last thing of the soul."
-- Plotinus
