NAGGING

Everything is so fucked up. The worst is that I had a vision months ago. We had the chance to twist it, but in the end it turned out to be exactly a poo of shit. Who should be responsible for this? Bloody hell, I know exactly who should take all this up, but does retarded ever listen and understand? I don't think so. I am furious. Period. F-U-R-I-O-U-S.


I know we should all act as a team, with our team spirit. I have felt that I have become the center of the spirit, if it does have exist in our case. At first I felt I was flattered, since I believed everyone had their own potential, and it shouldn't necessarily be me who has the capacity to the up-lifting of the spirit. Yet as time passed, I have found it as a curse - put down by those who had no capacity to execute, no will to take responsibility, no courage to make decisions, no spontaneity to respond, and most importantly, no diligence to learn and ask.

I am tired. I know as a teammate, we should help each other out, but I am so wearied. I have kept asking myself: "Why should I take all of these?" Is it because there has no "connection" between us? I am so tired of leading, deciding, directing conversations, hosting meetings, and solving all the puzzles that are left by one particular irresponsible teammate. What exhausts me most is the situation that only few of the teammates have noticed what have happened and what have gone wrong, while still others are seemingly chillaxing, chit-chatting, fooling around, or spacing out in their own world.

I am doing what I DO NOT suppose to do; I ain't the leader, it ain't my job and responsibility. I am cleaning others' mess, and seriously, I don't have to - Neither am I the janitor. Or do I look like that I adore picking up other's trash?

The reason that has kept me and encouraged me to move on and to do what has surpassed my job and responsibility is that I AM TOO FREAKING KIND. I am so nice, and I am thinking to be evil, since being nice to the enemy equals to being cruel to yourself. And to put it straightforward, sometimes I do love myself more.

We only live our life for once. Live for yourself and live it only.


The reason that has kept me and encouraged me to move on and to do what has surpassed my job and responsibility is that I AM TOO FUCKING KIND. I am so nice, and I am thinking to be evil, since being nice to the enemy equals to being cruel to yourself. Currently, under this situation, I love myself more than loving my fucking enemies, although the "enemies" here are more likely to be "teammates." To be more precise, it should be ONE PARTICULAR IRRESPONSIBLE NUMB N BITCHY DUMBASS TEAMMATE. Alright, I have made a correction there - my particular teammate IS NOT a dumbass. She is not a bitch. Oh, wait. Did I just say "she" ? Let me correct it as the following:

THAT PARTICULAR IRRESPONSIBLE NUMB N BITCHY DUMBASS TEAMMATE IS A SHE IS MY TEAMMATE SO I SHOULD HELP HER OUT. SO I WILL STOP SWEARING WITH THE F WORD, THAT IS, FUCK OR FUCKING, AS WELL AS THE B WORD - BITCH OR BITCHY, ALONG WITH SO MANY OTHER BAD WORDS SUCH AS SLUT, CUNT, BASTARD, SHIT, POO, ASS, DUMMY, PUSSY, AND ETC. I PROMISE I WILL TRY TO AVOID THE BAD WORDS, INCLUDING FUCK, FUCKING, BITCH, BITCHY, SLUT, CUNT, BASTARD, SHIT, POO, ASS, DUMMY, AND PUSSY, WHILE I THINK OF HER, WRITE ABOUT HER, TALK ABOUT HER, AND EVEN BLOG ABOUT HER.