in memory of you

I'm always thinking of you when I'm alone.
I'm always thinking of you when I'm trying to be calm.
I'm always thinking of you when I'm silencing my vehemence.
I'm always thinking of you when I'm persuading myself not to cross this border.
I'm always thinking of you when I'm struggling with my understood self and the conscience.
I'm always thinking of you when I'm hesitating to fit in the general social perspectives and rules.
I'm always thinking of you when I'm distracted by the eclipse formed by shades of twigs and the dimming sunshine.
I'm always thinking of you when I'm staring at the water drop losing its gravity and pouncing at the earth with its all minute might.
I'm always thinking of you when I'm ignoring all those trivial interactions we've done so far but yet you'll probably never notice.
I'm always thinking of you when I'm having my every step forward on the path from somewhere to nowhere.
I'm always thinking of you when I'm fantasizing of all impossible possibilities that might come true in my wildest dream.
I'm always thinking of you when I'm having no enough pills to cure this pathetically unforgivable condition which causes me so much pain.
I'm always thinking of you when I'm wondering whether this world does exist someone like me who is striving to be understood by someone like you.
I'm always thinking of you when I'm hesitating what can be said and what cannot be said, and whom I can talk to or whom I can never find to talk to.
I'm always thinking of you when I'm deciding to let go of pieces of our trivial memory so my soul will never  be completed but at least I'll probably be okay to move on without our future and past.