Five days from now, everything will be different. The first two decades of my life will be gone with the wind, sinking to the gears of time. How many twenties do you have? I don't expect much, because destiny isn't out there for minute human to predict. I just want to do something speical, not necessarily great, but something that will make me smile when I am old, something that will make me content with a tranquil mind. Something that will not let me regret.
The trip to Ghana will be the very first present I give myself to begin my twenties. I cannot find anything that is more meaningful and spiritual than this. What I've learnt so far is tremendous. No words can easily drag down its depth. No languages can utter its profoundity. It's as if I've been lifted up to a new world with multidimensional aspects and visions. This lifting is so quick and high that it makes cleavage on my present life. Cleavages cut my brain and have left some injury. Some of them became scars, some of them became sacrifice. Attainment and sacrifice, aren't they rooted in life?
Time flies; life dies; mind glides.
What I used to treasure now all fade away, burried in memory. Betty once asked me in reply, "Why care? Why bother? Why mention?" At that spot, I opposed to her seeming selfishness. Yes, it is seeming. It was only selfish when I couldn't be in her shoes, when I hadn't had been through what she had been. It is now all clear to me. The selfishness now becomes seeming. It is all about what people think, but not what people say. Mind swifts, things twist. Cruelly, something just changes without turns. Mind is one of them.
After all these years, I still cannot know myself. Isn't that painful?
I find no peace in the turmoil of mind. All I can do now is to grasp every short temporary peace, to settle down my thoughts, and therefore to take action.
The tornado devours everything.
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