Utterly Painful

My heart, for you,

With turmoil and pieces,

I cannot find myself.

I watch myself drowned,

Fantasized with images,

Addicted with rots,

Contradicted with

The purest lust and

The grevious digging.

I dig deep into my soul,

Yet I still cannot be as a whole.

I dangle back and forth,

Utterly I cannot be myself.

I strip, I seek,

I dream, I face,

Yet I have no courage

To confess.

I think, I weep,

I leave, I fake,

Again I have no courage

To unveil.

Therefore day after day,

Night after night,

I creep, I crawl

I sneak, I dull...

In the murky, modly degeneracy,

To breathe for expectancy...

-- Karina L.T. Sun (2009)